So Your Husband's Addicted to Porn
A Letter to Hurting Wives
So your husband is addicted to pornography…
1. It is not your fault.
2. It does no good to blame him.
You share a mutual enemy who has chosen to attack you both at the very core of your marriage and there is only one man who can help you—Jesus Christ.
For starters you can’t blame yourself for your husband’s addiction because he was probably sneaking magazines since he was a kid--long before he even met you.
And his addiction does not indicate that he does not love you, because he actually did choose to marry you. Chances are that he never told you about his darkest secret because deep down in his heart, he hoped that when he married you, his addictions would just magically disappear. But real life is not like a Disney movie--even when you kiss the right princess.
Your husband was probably very disappointed to discover that he was not able to overcome this on his own because you and your children mean the entire world to him. The sooner you can make the transition from fear and shame and blame to faith, the sooner the healing will begin.
Trying to understand how your husband got addicted in the first place or blaming him for his choices will only prolong your frustrations. Addictive behaviors are as difficult to explain as they are to overcome and your husband will only overcome if he chooses to be connected to the Vine which is Jesus. But you cannot help him unless you too, are connected to the Vine.
While you pray for God to help your husband overcome his temptations, ask God for compassion and understanding to fill your own heart.Perhaps you once relied on your husband to build up your self-image and now you feel like less than a magazine. If this is the case, the devil has attacked you too!
There is no worse damage that the enemy can do than attack your self-worth as a daughter of the King of the Universe. While the tears are still fresh, you can use this opportunity to grow into an even stronger woman by recognizing your own intrinsic value in God’s eyes.
If your kid threw a one hundred dollar bill into the trash at a fast food restaurant and you saw it covered with ketchup, wouldn’t you still reach down and wipe it off? The value of that bill has nothing to do with what has happened to it.
Just as sure as He sees the sparrow fall, God knows how you’ve been treated. He sees that your heart has been thrown into the trash and smeared with ketchup, but now He not only reaches down to pick you up, but God can use His miraculous love to restore your marriage. This can be a great time of answered prayer for your marriage if you and your husband can both trade your pride for compassion and put your trust in God.
Just as God knows your intrinsic worth, He knows your husband’s intrinsic worth. God is reaching down into the trash to pick up both of you because you are both the apples of His eye. He knit you in your mother’s womb and He counts every one of your hairs. Especially now, He is saving all of your tears in His bottle. He has plans to prosper your family and not to harm you and to give you a hope and future.
This attack on your marriage is not beyond God’s power to heal—as a matter of fact, it is all in a day’s work for God to rebuild broken lives because Jesus came to destroy the devil’s work.
I know you want to run and leave, but if your husband were in terrible accident would you leave him on the pavement because it was too messy? If you can recognize that your husband has been attacked by unseen forces and is emotionally bleeding, you can intercede for His life. By praying and giving him up to Jesus, you will eventually find peace.
Are you tired of snooping through his wallet or checking his emails? Jesus calls all who are tired and weary to come to Him and He will give you rest.
You don’t have to fix your husband; if you can just recognize that he has been attacked by the enemy, you can finally give Him up to the only One who can save him--Jesus Christ.
©2010 Cherilyn Christen Clough
